Ashley Moon-Rogers's story, 2004
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First of all, my mom is heartless and sent me away without research or even wanting to be a part of the program, she was expecting it to be some type of boot camp (and was immediately disappointed I wasn’t ready to shine her shoes yes ma'am style and be her little slave). My mom was a horrible mother, selfish and cruel, only ever thinking of herself. Because of her constant absence in my life, always leaving on vacations, I was molested for a year by my female babysitter who lived down the street. She was in high school, I was only in second grade, and my mom did nothing. Since then I’ve always had resentment for her not caring or being around to protect me and so on, so I acted out a lot. I was a top-notch slut, did any drug I could get my hands on, self-mutilation, was a sophomore drop-out and had been failing school since elementary. She never once took me to talk to someone, always just sending me away from family member to friends’ houses. She used MY college funds to send me to Casa. She never wrote me. Never gave a shit I was gone. For one, I don’t and would never treat my daughter this way. I highly highly doubt she will ever go down the path I did, because I am here for her. I never want her to hurt or want for anything. So say she just turns out like me because I’m hereditarily a rebel and not because of the way I was brought up, and she starts doing bad, ruining her future without remorse, headed to juvi. If therapy isn’t working and all other options are exhausted and she just doesn’t want better for her life, then yeah... I am pro trying out an in-state program. My little stepsister was behaving just like I was, and she lives with my ex-stepdad and his other stepdaughter but she was not doing well either. They sent her away as well to an intimate program that only allowed 25 kids, where kids have to work there and have therapy and actually get to take the meds they need. My stepdad and her mom talk on the phone with her everyday and are very involved. She has been there for three months and already is happy.
You’re right, I didn’t have a negative experience there, and I never saw anyone being negatively treated there except for uptight, power-tripping upper levels. Sure, some things weren’t fair but I wasn’t sent away to be praised for my bad behaviour. Just because other kids had a hard time, I can’t change my own experience and beliefs for them. Who knows if some are dramatizing a bit, or are the type of person who holds on to the negative without seeing the positive... I just don’t know. I take each story I hear as truthful, that’s how they felt, that’s how THEY experienced it, and I feel bad for those who had traumatic things happen to them. But for me, I was happy being in a facility where I felt safe, rather then on the streets where I had already been raped once, with attempted rape on me three other times, because of the crowd I was around. I was finding myself at Casa, and realizing I don’t need my mom, or her approval, there are people out there that love me for me, my goods and my bads.
In my house, to this day, since after my molestation, I have never had a home. I’d come home from school in seventh grade and be greeted with "why are you here?" I’ve been called everything under the sun. I cried and hurt every single day of my life because my mom couldn’t love me. I was actually so happy when she sent me away because I felt that was her way of saying she cared... but when I got out she said she just didn’t want me around and I was and am the problem not her. She has always been a victim so I refuse to be one myself. Even my case manager Claudia would tell me to stop making excuses for her, for her not writing… she saw it wasn’t me, its my mom. In Casa, I felt heard. I had many friends who cared about me, and listened to me, making me laugh. I hated it there but I was happy sometimes too. I can’t be thought of as brainwashed because I believe in some of what Casa taught me since: A) you don’t know me, or what my home life was before. B) in comparison to MY home life, Casa was home sweet fucking home, if you must know.
I guess I’m glad I learned whatever Casa was trying to teach me, because I am a better person. I never self-mutilated again, I never went back to drugs, or the kids who did them, even though my ex-boyfriend was begging me back, I stayed strong, I got a job at 17, finished my school, got a house, met my husband, got married, had a baby, bought a house and our three year anniversary is next month. I haven’t been beaten since, or put down, I’m confident, I’m loved and I don’t put up with people’s bullshit, and I don’t focus on what I can’t change, like people, I change what I can, like myself, and I’m happy. Period.
First of all, my mom is heartless and sent me away without research or even wanting to be a part of the program, she was expecting it to be some type of boot camp (and was immediately disappointed I wasn’t ready to shine her shoes yes ma'am style and be her little slave). My mom was a horrible mother, selfish and cruel, only ever thinking of herself. Because of her constant absence in my life, always leaving on vacations, I was molested for a year by my female babysitter who lived down the street. She was in high school, I was only in second grade, and my mom did nothing. Since then I’ve always had resentment for her not caring or being around to protect me and so on, so I acted out a lot. I was a top-notch slut, did any drug I could get my hands on, self-mutilation, was a sophomore drop-out and had been failing school since elementary. She never once took me to talk to someone, always just sending me away from family member to friends’ houses. She used MY college funds to send me to Casa. She never wrote me. Never gave a shit I was gone. For one, I don’t and would never treat my daughter this way. I highly highly doubt she will ever go down the path I did, because I am here for her. I never want her to hurt or want for anything. So say she just turns out like me because I’m hereditarily a rebel and not because of the way I was brought up, and she starts doing bad, ruining her future without remorse, headed to juvi. If therapy isn’t working and all other options are exhausted and she just doesn’t want better for her life, then yeah... I am pro trying out an in-state program. My little stepsister was behaving just like I was, and she lives with my ex-stepdad and his other stepdaughter but she was not doing well either. They sent her away as well to an intimate program that only allowed 25 kids, where kids have to work there and have therapy and actually get to take the meds they need. My stepdad and her mom talk on the phone with her everyday and are very involved. She has been there for three months and already is happy.
You’re right, I didn’t have a negative experience there, and I never saw anyone being negatively treated there except for uptight, power-tripping upper levels. Sure, some things weren’t fair but I wasn’t sent away to be praised for my bad behaviour. Just because other kids had a hard time, I can’t change my own experience and beliefs for them. Who knows if some are dramatizing a bit, or are the type of person who holds on to the negative without seeing the positive... I just don’t know. I take each story I hear as truthful, that’s how they felt, that’s how THEY experienced it, and I feel bad for those who had traumatic things happen to them. But for me, I was happy being in a facility where I felt safe, rather then on the streets where I had already been raped once, with attempted rape on me three other times, because of the crowd I was around. I was finding myself at Casa, and realizing I don’t need my mom, or her approval, there are people out there that love me for me, my goods and my bads.
In my house, to this day, since after my molestation, I have never had a home. I’d come home from school in seventh grade and be greeted with "why are you here?" I’ve been called everything under the sun. I cried and hurt every single day of my life because my mom couldn’t love me. I was actually so happy when she sent me away because I felt that was her way of saying she cared... but when I got out she said she just didn’t want me around and I was and am the problem not her. She has always been a victim so I refuse to be one myself. Even my case manager Claudia would tell me to stop making excuses for her, for her not writing… she saw it wasn’t me, its my mom. In Casa, I felt heard. I had many friends who cared about me, and listened to me, making me laugh. I hated it there but I was happy sometimes too. I can’t be thought of as brainwashed because I believe in some of what Casa taught me since: A) you don’t know me, or what my home life was before. B) in comparison to MY home life, Casa was home sweet fucking home, if you must know.
I guess I’m glad I learned whatever Casa was trying to teach me, because I am a better person. I never self-mutilated again, I never went back to drugs, or the kids who did them, even though my ex-boyfriend was begging me back, I stayed strong, I got a job at 17, finished my school, got a house, met my husband, got married, had a baby, bought a house and our three year anniversary is next month. I haven’t been beaten since, or put down, I’m confident, I’m loved and I don’t put up with people’s bullshit, and I don’t focus on what I can’t change, like people, I change what I can, like myself, and I’m happy. Period.