Interview for ex-WWASPS Students
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A 25 question interview of ex-students who attended WWASPS schools. Answers to each question can be found on the page links below.
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Question 14. Did you keep a journal in the program? If so, please read a bit of it now. What do you think of your written thoughts and feelings from that time? If you had to choose one feeling that best described your journal entries, what would it be?
"Yes, I kept a journal. I posted it online at www.therealcasa.com, in hopes it might help other survivors. I sometimes read it, and it's extremely difficult to read because I don't want to go back to that place mentally. All I feel is this hole inside me when I think of that place, and the way it ripped my life from me. The one word I could think of that would best describe my journal entries would be: nonexistence. I didn't exist. I was nobody and nowhere. I was so alone and so terrified, yet so numb and traumatized, it was as if I wasn't even living." - C.A., Casa by the Sea
"Yes - and my journal is posted under “our stories.” :) Viewable at www.wwaspdiaries.com. Hunger, fear, anger, longing to leave." - C.M., Tranquility Bay
"I lost my journal and all my Casa belongings. I do remember that my parents left me some personal stuff in storage, that you were allowed to get back when you made level 4, but all of my stuff was stolen except for my zebra pillow. I know in my journal, there was for sure a lot of writings of pain, drawings, and hope that my parents would just come rescue me...we had to listen to audio tapes when we ate Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner and every night we had to write something they called Reflections where you write what the audio tapes taught you, and what you learned from them, and then you write about your day. The next day in group everyone had to read their Reflections to their family with their case manager present. My family was called Integrity, I wish the WWASP had some....." - J.C., Casa by the Sea
"I did keep a journal, however I have no idea where it is now. I actually really wish I could find it because I find myself frustrated. My Brain decided that because of the trauma I needed to suppress most of the memories, so I remember very little about my experience there, which may be a blessing…but It sucks having 2 years of your life almost not exist." - A.E., Casa by the Sea
"Yes. Rageful." - B.B., Ivy Ridge & Tranquility Bay
"My entries were paranoid, like someone was looking over my shoulder and reading it. I was so scared someone would find it, read it, and use it against me." - L.W., Cross Creek Manor
" I have a journal most were threw out by staff. As stated earlier on one page I was able to document how we went days without water, hidden amongst a colored picture." - D.G., Casa by the Sea & Ivy Ridge
"I don’t have those anymore." - C.L., Casa by the Sea
"I did keep a journal but threw it out about 5 years ago. I threw it out cause I felt that information inside wasn't the person I wanted to be. It was a person doing whatever it took to get the hell out of that place. Its just not a time I like to remember in my life." - G.A., Casa by the Sea
"No journal. I knew it would be searched and held against me." - Anon, Casa by the Sea
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Question 14. Did you keep a journal in the program? If so, please read a bit of it now. What do you think of your written thoughts and feelings from that time? If you had to choose one feeling that best described your journal entries, what would it be?
"Yes, I kept a journal. I posted it online at www.therealcasa.com, in hopes it might help other survivors. I sometimes read it, and it's extremely difficult to read because I don't want to go back to that place mentally. All I feel is this hole inside me when I think of that place, and the way it ripped my life from me. The one word I could think of that would best describe my journal entries would be: nonexistence. I didn't exist. I was nobody and nowhere. I was so alone and so terrified, yet so numb and traumatized, it was as if I wasn't even living." - C.A., Casa by the Sea
"Yes - and my journal is posted under “our stories.” :) Viewable at www.wwaspdiaries.com. Hunger, fear, anger, longing to leave." - C.M., Tranquility Bay
"I lost my journal and all my Casa belongings. I do remember that my parents left me some personal stuff in storage, that you were allowed to get back when you made level 4, but all of my stuff was stolen except for my zebra pillow. I know in my journal, there was for sure a lot of writings of pain, drawings, and hope that my parents would just come rescue me...we had to listen to audio tapes when we ate Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner and every night we had to write something they called Reflections where you write what the audio tapes taught you, and what you learned from them, and then you write about your day. The next day in group everyone had to read their Reflections to their family with their case manager present. My family was called Integrity, I wish the WWASP had some....." - J.C., Casa by the Sea
"I did keep a journal, however I have no idea where it is now. I actually really wish I could find it because I find myself frustrated. My Brain decided that because of the trauma I needed to suppress most of the memories, so I remember very little about my experience there, which may be a blessing…but It sucks having 2 years of your life almost not exist." - A.E., Casa by the Sea
"Yes. Rageful." - B.B., Ivy Ridge & Tranquility Bay
"My entries were paranoid, like someone was looking over my shoulder and reading it. I was so scared someone would find it, read it, and use it against me." - L.W., Cross Creek Manor
" I have a journal most were threw out by staff. As stated earlier on one page I was able to document how we went days without water, hidden amongst a colored picture." - D.G., Casa by the Sea & Ivy Ridge
"I don’t have those anymore." - C.L., Casa by the Sea
"I did keep a journal but threw it out about 5 years ago. I threw it out cause I felt that information inside wasn't the person I wanted to be. It was a person doing whatever it took to get the hell out of that place. Its just not a time I like to remember in my life." - G.A., Casa by the Sea
"No journal. I knew it would be searched and held against me." - Anon, Casa by the Sea
