Interview for ex-WWASPS Students
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A 25 question interview of ex-students who attended WWASPS schools. Answers to each question can be found on the page links below.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25
Question 4. How did your feelings about the program change over the course of your time there? Can you make a quick timeline of your feelings about the program – when you arrived, in the middle and end of your program, the year you got out, and today?
"I disagreed with the way things were run when I first got there. I thought the rules were unfair, the staff were cruel and had too much power over us, the seminars were an outrage (my 1st experience in the seminars was watching a fellow teen being screamed at and intimidated by the facilitator because he had "daddy issues" and he "had to face them"), the groups were a nightmare as well. Eventually I got brainwashed to believe that all these horrible things, including giving feedback aka criticizing someone to their very core about the most personal things (even making them cry) was helpful. Once I left I realized that I was much angrier and worse off than I had been on entrance to the program. Also the program had not prepared me for anything in the real world, except to ensure that I didn't trust a soul for years after leaving there. So naturally my feeling towards the program were/ are negative." - B.B., Ivy Ridge & Tranquility Bay
"I hated it the entire time. At first I was extremely depressed, and would think of ways I might be able to get out of the situation. I was there for four months, so I would say the first few weeks I felt like my parents would take me out of the program, and that there was no way they'd keep me in these conditions for long. After two weeks, and then another week, and then another, I realized they weren't going to. I would pray every morning that I would wake up and that they would pull me from the program that day. Then at night, when I realized I had to sleep there again, it was this gut wrenching sick feeling I had. About a month and a half into it, I began to lose all emotion whatsoever. I walked around, followed their directions, wrote what they wanted me to write, said what they wanted me to say, did what I had to do. I just didn't care anymore. After about three months, I hated my parents. I hated that my dad didn't write me, and I hated that all my mom wrote me was about why she sent me to that hellhole, how I had disappointed her, and how great the program was. And I knew it was the program making her write those letters, I knew it wasn't her. Just like how they made me write only positive letters home or it was "manipulation" or I "wasn't getting it." They really know how to break you down at that facility. I hadn't heard one positive thing for months. I was completely alone. There was so much verbal and emotional abuse, and threats of physical abuse which make you just want to comply and not end up in R&R. And on top of that my family had abandoned me. They left me to rot. I couldn't trust anyone. By the time I was pulled, this intense emotional outburst overwhelmed me. I didn't believe it was actually happening. I thought I was going to die there. I never thought I'd see home again." - C.A., Casa by the Sea
"I arrived at the age of 15 on Feb. 18, 2000 to Aug. 23 2002. I spent one year on lower levels, and was dropped from level 5 to level one for telling my cousin something i did that I thought wasn't appropriate (at that time I felt if I didn't work the program I would just be there till I was 18, so after my first year, i wanted out.) I missed my only brothers wedding, which hurts me more than anything to this day. I graduated and left on the days of my sisters wedding. Luke's wife, being my cousin, was there at the wedding with me." - J.C., Casa by the Sea
"I would say the first week I was there I was the most angry/upset during my stay. Over the course of about a few weeks to a month I attended Discovery and my attitude shifted. By the time I was pulled from the program after only 3-months (I was turning 18) my language and manner of speaking had completely changed. I remember sitting in the hotel on my first night out, speaking to my dad with all of the program lingo, and calling him on “his crap.” Over time, this faded and I realized how sick it was. I tried to get recognition from my parents that what happened to me was wrong, but they refused. Eventually, I stopped looking for recognition from them and started trying to make changes with the system. Over the past year or so, I’ve been writing my own blog and it has proved deeply helpful for me as it not only gives me an outlet for my feelings but helps me to feel empowered to help others." - C.M., Tranquility Bay
"When I arrived there I felt very confused and alone, they would not allow me to talk to any of the girls except for my “buddy” for like a week. It was very frustrating. About halfway into my program I started to feel that day to day life felt more normal, but again I refer to the robot feeling, it was easier to put a smile on my face and be complacent so I didn’t get dropped in levels and have to be there longer then I already had been. I feel like I would get dropped for things that were unnecessary, I almost feel like I was dropped so it would force me to be there longer and force my parents to pay for another year. An example, I was a level 4 and we had to do a major clean for families that were coming to visit; I was with a group of girls sweeping the cement around the volleyball court, and they dropped me to level 1 for leaving a bottle of Fabuloso (cleaner) over by the sinks behind the school building. I had never even been over there, so it felt like they used it as an excuse to keep me there longer. The end of my program became bittersweet, I had met some amazing friends while in the program that I didn’t know if I would ever see again because we were unable to exchange numbers or any personal information with our friends, and I was almost terrified of living “normal” life outside of this life I was now used to living, I knew the world hadn’t stopped while I was in there so I was scared what real life was like. My experience there has made me a very fearful person in my life now. It still affects me in many ways, with my own identity, my friends, relationships, and authority figures, with rules in general. I feel my life may be a little easier now had I never gone to the program." - A.E., Casa by the Sea
"When I arrived, I was tearful, desperate to go home and I felt inhuman. I felt completely powerless over my own life or fate. In the middle, I had gotten used to it and realized that true freedom exists in your mind. I realized that I could go along with it and that eventually it would end and then I could live how I wanted to live. When I got out, I couldn’t believe that it was actually over. I was very institutionalized for a few months, confused over not having to ask permission to do anything and paranoid that someone was always watching me. Today, I realize that it was a very traumatic experience that still influences how I view authority and structured activities. I feel like I would have done just as well if I had never been sent there." - L.W., Cross Creek Manor
"When I first arrived I absolutely hated it. The place was just unsanitary or seemed to be for almost a month I called it 'bano' ('bathroom' in Spanish) by the sea. after about 4 months I had come to the realization that I was going to be there for a long time and just did whatever I could to enjoy myself. I submerged myself in schooling and made allot of calendars. By my 11th month when I was going home I was scared to leave but so excited to get out of there. It had become my home. my routine had become like second nature. It was pretty bad. But I had that syndrome where you start to care for your captors. I don't like to really think too much about my experience at Casa because there is nothing I can do about it. Looking at it now I realize that it was one of the worst experiences of my life." - Anon, Casa by the Sea
"The Program wasted the one thing you don’t get back in life - time. When I got out of the program I went to join the marines & because of this program I was not accepted and they wasted my education." - D.G., Casa by the Sea & Ivy Ridge
"My feelings never changed I always hated that place. I had a body odour problem with the heat… every day I wore deodorant put it on every hour there was this one upper level with something to prove said I still stunk and put me in worksheets the place didn’t help my self esteem it made it worse." - C.L., Casa by the Sea
"My feelings were pretty mutual during the whole time. I was to put up with it until I got out because I wasn’t going to work the program was my mentality." - A.T., Casa by the Sea
"When I first arrived to Casa all I wanted to do was get out. Get out any way I could and never again speak to my parents and forgive them for sending me away.... but then after time went on... not so much the staff as I would say the girls in the program made it feel more comforting to know that I was not alone in what I was feeling or even living. it was just like we has a silent bond to know that we had each other back. Then I realized if the only way out is by working the program... I figured I would try and be the best that I could and work toward the best... which at the time was upper levels , and even student council (its sad how much I wanted it) …..But shortly after getting upper levels the program Casa by the Sea was shut down. At that point... I figured, I've gotten this far..and worked this hard.. why not go somewhere and finish the few more months I knew I could complete the program....And i did. Went to Mid- West Academy in Iowa and in March 05 graduated. :) Now that the program days are long gone and nothing but distant memories....it makes me feel a mixture of emotions... joy because basic guidelines of the program saved my life.... but more so I think the support of the girls.... and then I think back...and I get angry and hurt to know that we were treated the way we were. I understand we worked hard as young women to get there however the thought of how much emotional pain we had to endure.... is something that makes me angry....and knowing that the program was shut down for many reasons that till this day we as students thought were unfair." - N.R., Casa by the Sea
"My feelings never changed about the place. I hated it through and through. Its like a person being locked in prison. DO they like it? NO! Just like anyone in any situation where they are caged like an animal, they learn to manipulate the system and make it easier on themselves and more bearable to deal with. That's what exactly I did. Made it bearable for myself everyday." - G.A., Casa by the Sea
"When I first arrived, I got into too much trouble not listening. After I spent many weeks in worksheet, I thought I might as well. I started just giving some mean feedback during group and noticed it made me look good, and it looked like I was changing my ways. Then I started to actually learn and change. I got up to level 3, and got dropped back down to level 1. Then I just thought about just faking it. It got me far, and got up to the upper levels. I kept on getting dropped for stupid things, like horseplay, I mean I was still a child so I was acting like one. I got home on my home-pass, and went back out partying getting drunk and high, then I really wanted to get back home. After the home-pass, I really faked it, just to get home." - J.K., Casa by the Sea
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25
Question 4. How did your feelings about the program change over the course of your time there? Can you make a quick timeline of your feelings about the program – when you arrived, in the middle and end of your program, the year you got out, and today?
"I disagreed with the way things were run when I first got there. I thought the rules were unfair, the staff were cruel and had too much power over us, the seminars were an outrage (my 1st experience in the seminars was watching a fellow teen being screamed at and intimidated by the facilitator because he had "daddy issues" and he "had to face them"), the groups were a nightmare as well. Eventually I got brainwashed to believe that all these horrible things, including giving feedback aka criticizing someone to their very core about the most personal things (even making them cry) was helpful. Once I left I realized that I was much angrier and worse off than I had been on entrance to the program. Also the program had not prepared me for anything in the real world, except to ensure that I didn't trust a soul for years after leaving there. So naturally my feeling towards the program were/ are negative." - B.B., Ivy Ridge & Tranquility Bay
"I hated it the entire time. At first I was extremely depressed, and would think of ways I might be able to get out of the situation. I was there for four months, so I would say the first few weeks I felt like my parents would take me out of the program, and that there was no way they'd keep me in these conditions for long. After two weeks, and then another week, and then another, I realized they weren't going to. I would pray every morning that I would wake up and that they would pull me from the program that day. Then at night, when I realized I had to sleep there again, it was this gut wrenching sick feeling I had. About a month and a half into it, I began to lose all emotion whatsoever. I walked around, followed their directions, wrote what they wanted me to write, said what they wanted me to say, did what I had to do. I just didn't care anymore. After about three months, I hated my parents. I hated that my dad didn't write me, and I hated that all my mom wrote me was about why she sent me to that hellhole, how I had disappointed her, and how great the program was. And I knew it was the program making her write those letters, I knew it wasn't her. Just like how they made me write only positive letters home or it was "manipulation" or I "wasn't getting it." They really know how to break you down at that facility. I hadn't heard one positive thing for months. I was completely alone. There was so much verbal and emotional abuse, and threats of physical abuse which make you just want to comply and not end up in R&R. And on top of that my family had abandoned me. They left me to rot. I couldn't trust anyone. By the time I was pulled, this intense emotional outburst overwhelmed me. I didn't believe it was actually happening. I thought I was going to die there. I never thought I'd see home again." - C.A., Casa by the Sea
"I arrived at the age of 15 on Feb. 18, 2000 to Aug. 23 2002. I spent one year on lower levels, and was dropped from level 5 to level one for telling my cousin something i did that I thought wasn't appropriate (at that time I felt if I didn't work the program I would just be there till I was 18, so after my first year, i wanted out.) I missed my only brothers wedding, which hurts me more than anything to this day. I graduated and left on the days of my sisters wedding. Luke's wife, being my cousin, was there at the wedding with me." - J.C., Casa by the Sea
"I would say the first week I was there I was the most angry/upset during my stay. Over the course of about a few weeks to a month I attended Discovery and my attitude shifted. By the time I was pulled from the program after only 3-months (I was turning 18) my language and manner of speaking had completely changed. I remember sitting in the hotel on my first night out, speaking to my dad with all of the program lingo, and calling him on “his crap.” Over time, this faded and I realized how sick it was. I tried to get recognition from my parents that what happened to me was wrong, but they refused. Eventually, I stopped looking for recognition from them and started trying to make changes with the system. Over the past year or so, I’ve been writing my own blog and it has proved deeply helpful for me as it not only gives me an outlet for my feelings but helps me to feel empowered to help others." - C.M., Tranquility Bay
"When I arrived there I felt very confused and alone, they would not allow me to talk to any of the girls except for my “buddy” for like a week. It was very frustrating. About halfway into my program I started to feel that day to day life felt more normal, but again I refer to the robot feeling, it was easier to put a smile on my face and be complacent so I didn’t get dropped in levels and have to be there longer then I already had been. I feel like I would get dropped for things that were unnecessary, I almost feel like I was dropped so it would force me to be there longer and force my parents to pay for another year. An example, I was a level 4 and we had to do a major clean for families that were coming to visit; I was with a group of girls sweeping the cement around the volleyball court, and they dropped me to level 1 for leaving a bottle of Fabuloso (cleaner) over by the sinks behind the school building. I had never even been over there, so it felt like they used it as an excuse to keep me there longer. The end of my program became bittersweet, I had met some amazing friends while in the program that I didn’t know if I would ever see again because we were unable to exchange numbers or any personal information with our friends, and I was almost terrified of living “normal” life outside of this life I was now used to living, I knew the world hadn’t stopped while I was in there so I was scared what real life was like. My experience there has made me a very fearful person in my life now. It still affects me in many ways, with my own identity, my friends, relationships, and authority figures, with rules in general. I feel my life may be a little easier now had I never gone to the program." - A.E., Casa by the Sea
"When I arrived, I was tearful, desperate to go home and I felt inhuman. I felt completely powerless over my own life or fate. In the middle, I had gotten used to it and realized that true freedom exists in your mind. I realized that I could go along with it and that eventually it would end and then I could live how I wanted to live. When I got out, I couldn’t believe that it was actually over. I was very institutionalized for a few months, confused over not having to ask permission to do anything and paranoid that someone was always watching me. Today, I realize that it was a very traumatic experience that still influences how I view authority and structured activities. I feel like I would have done just as well if I had never been sent there." - L.W., Cross Creek Manor
"When I first arrived I absolutely hated it. The place was just unsanitary or seemed to be for almost a month I called it 'bano' ('bathroom' in Spanish) by the sea. after about 4 months I had come to the realization that I was going to be there for a long time and just did whatever I could to enjoy myself. I submerged myself in schooling and made allot of calendars. By my 11th month when I was going home I was scared to leave but so excited to get out of there. It had become my home. my routine had become like second nature. It was pretty bad. But I had that syndrome where you start to care for your captors. I don't like to really think too much about my experience at Casa because there is nothing I can do about it. Looking at it now I realize that it was one of the worst experiences of my life." - Anon, Casa by the Sea
"The Program wasted the one thing you don’t get back in life - time. When I got out of the program I went to join the marines & because of this program I was not accepted and they wasted my education." - D.G., Casa by the Sea & Ivy Ridge
"My feelings never changed I always hated that place. I had a body odour problem with the heat… every day I wore deodorant put it on every hour there was this one upper level with something to prove said I still stunk and put me in worksheets the place didn’t help my self esteem it made it worse." - C.L., Casa by the Sea
"My feelings were pretty mutual during the whole time. I was to put up with it until I got out because I wasn’t going to work the program was my mentality." - A.T., Casa by the Sea
"When I first arrived to Casa all I wanted to do was get out. Get out any way I could and never again speak to my parents and forgive them for sending me away.... but then after time went on... not so much the staff as I would say the girls in the program made it feel more comforting to know that I was not alone in what I was feeling or even living. it was just like we has a silent bond to know that we had each other back. Then I realized if the only way out is by working the program... I figured I would try and be the best that I could and work toward the best... which at the time was upper levels , and even student council (its sad how much I wanted it) …..But shortly after getting upper levels the program Casa by the Sea was shut down. At that point... I figured, I've gotten this far..and worked this hard.. why not go somewhere and finish the few more months I knew I could complete the program....And i did. Went to Mid- West Academy in Iowa and in March 05 graduated. :) Now that the program days are long gone and nothing but distant memories....it makes me feel a mixture of emotions... joy because basic guidelines of the program saved my life.... but more so I think the support of the girls.... and then I think back...and I get angry and hurt to know that we were treated the way we were. I understand we worked hard as young women to get there however the thought of how much emotional pain we had to endure.... is something that makes me angry....and knowing that the program was shut down for many reasons that till this day we as students thought were unfair." - N.R., Casa by the Sea
"My feelings never changed about the place. I hated it through and through. Its like a person being locked in prison. DO they like it? NO! Just like anyone in any situation where they are caged like an animal, they learn to manipulate the system and make it easier on themselves and more bearable to deal with. That's what exactly I did. Made it bearable for myself everyday." - G.A., Casa by the Sea
"When I first arrived, I got into too much trouble not listening. After I spent many weeks in worksheet, I thought I might as well. I started just giving some mean feedback during group and noticed it made me look good, and it looked like I was changing my ways. Then I started to actually learn and change. I got up to level 3, and got dropped back down to level 1. Then I just thought about just faking it. It got me far, and got up to the upper levels. I kept on getting dropped for stupid things, like horseplay, I mean I was still a child so I was acting like one. I got home on my home-pass, and went back out partying getting drunk and high, then I really wanted to get back home. After the home-pass, I really faked it, just to get home." - J.K., Casa by the Sea
